I was walking across London Bridge the other day with a friend, and, as most people do, I decided to peer over the edge. A rush of vertigo swept through my body and I had to step back. Almost immediately afterwards my thoughts had moved (again) towards throwing myself over the edge. Not because I’m suicidal. I have a wonderful life and count myself among the luckiest people I know. But because I’m fascinated to know what might happen next. It’s worth noting here that drop would certainly not kill me, but would probably leave me with life changing injuries.
It’s the same emotion that can occasionally come over me in the strangest of circumstances. The desire to punch someone without motivation, swear out loud in a meeting, jump in front of a car. I just want to find out where things go from there.
I think it comes from the fact that I feel quite in control of my life. That I know where I want to go, and how I’m going to get there. Throwing one of the above into the equation would mix things up a little.